Recently, my late father memories keep flashing in my mind. Really miss him a lot...terribly. Hope he rest in peace with ALLAH S.W.T, ameen...this song reminds me of him and myself when I was younger..
You tucked me in, turned out the light
Kept me safe and sound at night
Little girls depend on things like that
Brushed my teeth and combed my hair
Had to drive me everywhere
You were always there when I looked back
You had to do it all alone
Make a living, make a home
Must have been as hard as it could be
And when I couldn't sleep at night
Scared things wouldn't turn out right
You would hold my hand and sing to me
Caterpillar in the tree
How you wonder who you'll be
Can't go far but you can always dream
Wish you may and wish you might
Don't you worry, hold on tight
I promise you there will come a day
Butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away
Flap your wings now you can't stay
Take those dreams and make them all come true
Butterfly fly away, butterfly fly away
We've been waiting for this day
All along and knowing just what to do
Butterfly, butterfly, butterfly, butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away
Butterfly fly away
Love you always my closest,greatest father and a friend...ABAH..AL FATIHAH..
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
How time passes...part 5
"Ya ALLAH, forgive me for all the sins that I've done intentionally and unintentionally.Take every single blackest thing away within myself that is so difficult for me to change and too stubborn to change. Ya ALLAH,here I am in front of Kaabah,repent for all the sins that I've done and created a misery life on my own. Let it go Ya ALLAH,let it go from heart because I am your servant and I've repented,Masha ALLAH. Please lead me to the right path as I have promised and take an oath to change in your ways Ya ALLAH. Please continue to guide me but please do not let me be astray to the wrong path as before. YOU are the most merciful and forgiving and there is no other GOD,only YOU the only one in this magnificent world that YOU have created...I am asking here right now for YOUR blessing to allow me to come here again,insya ALLAH..Wasalalah huala saidina muhammadin wa'alihi wasabihi wasalam.subhana rabika izzati walhamdulilah hirabilalimin...ameen"
Tears starts rolling down slowly on my cheek after my prayers. At that moment I felt so sad knowing that I will be leaving Makkah tomorrow and I felt disheartened to leave this Holy Land. I turn on my right,saw Liza and Syikin were reciting Al Quran quietly. I could see from their face expression that they too are sad of leaving Makkah. It was already 4.30am,thousand of pilgrim walking around,'tawaf',sleeping and reciting Al-Quran while waiting for azan Subuh to be heard. I looked up and mesmorise it in my mind every detail and feelings being infront of Kaabah. Yes,until today, I have not forgotten and I do not care how many times I mentioned in my blog,I will never ever forget the atmosphere and the aura of Kaabah.
I am here..the woman who has done a lot of sins,I am here at Holy Land. I am grateful,yes..really thankful and lucky..Masha ALLAH. I am lucky..that ALLAH still loves me,the most undevoted and ungrateful servant yet HE still grant me the greatest life experience ever. I could not help it but to feel the tightness at my chest. I feel suffocated and short of breath. Calming myself down,I start to recite Surah Yassin and tears starts to fall profusely along my cheeks and jaw. Suddenly I felt a warm fingers locking around my fingers,I turned and saw Liza,without even looking at me,she took hold of my hand silently to calm me down as though she too could feel what I am feeling at that moment. Together we both recite Surah Yassin together. I cried along the whole duration of reciting Surah Yassin.
Three of us sat silently in front of Kaabah waiting patiently to perform Subuh prayers. We witnessed ourselves that even Arabians argued with each other as to fight for sitting place to pray. They are so aggresive,rude and of course very stubborn. No wonder all the prophets were born in Arab land.They simply very strong headed people. Suddenly,I felt Syikin poked me at the ribs pointing at me the direction that she was looking. I looked up and saw Faiz and Ustaz Apandi were leading few mens and women to perform Solat Sunat behind the Makam Nabi Ibrahim.
Honestly,whenever I looked at Faiz, I felt very contented and feel as though all my problems has gone. I watched them in silent and out of blue,after few hours of silence,at last Liza voiced out "Do you believe in fate?" she asked. I frowned at her questions and asked "Hmm..sometimes I do believe in fate..depends I guess. Why the sudden question?" "Because I do not want you to feel hurt that's all" Liza makes the comment nonchalantly and before I could asked further,azan was heard.We got up and 3 of us perform the prayers and hurriedly went back to the hotel as there will be final visit around Makkah today. I did not manage to asked Liza any further until we reached the hotel lobby.
"Za,why do you make that comment? What do you mean that you don't want me to get hurt?" I asked with a confused expression on my face. There were only Liza and myself at the lobby,Syikin excuse herself to go to her room to look for Norizah who supposedly having some split personality from the day one arriving at Holy Land. Liza took a deep breath before answering. "Sue,I know that we just got to know each other for only 2 weeks but I felt like as though we have known each other for years. From what I see, you are the kind of person whom can accept whatever people comment about you right? Because I am a very direct person. Ok,let me get straight to the point. Look,I know it is possible for you to be together with Faiz because our own Nabi Muhammad and Khadijah were married even though there was a age gap but....do you think you can live in his kind of life,Sue? You live in modern life,you are career minded woman,you are credit card woman but look at him? Can you actually imagine yourself watching movies with him?" she said without a paused.
Too shocked with her directness, I went silent. "Sue..I am sorry if I said the wrong thing and I know I shouldn't be so blunt but..aih..I don't know,I just don't want you to feel hurt hoping for something that you know it will never exists" she said squeezing my hand. I nodded my head and too dumbfounded to say anything.
"Thank you,Za..I know what you meant and I am glad that you being direct with me. At least I could oversee the whole picture. Don't worry, I am not hurt at all" I said squeezing her hand too and gave her a warm smile. "Whatever it is,the decision is still yours and it is not up to me or anybody to decide. Maybe he is the one for you,maybe ALLAH did send him to you, or maybe...hmm..just take it as a summer love crush will ya?" she said and I know from her tone of voice,she is hoping that I will not get hurt with her statement. I nodded and the conversation ended as soon as Faiz and his friend entered the hotel lobby.
When I saw him, I felt I wanted to cry. I felt as though this is part of satan game to lead me astray so that I won't concetrate myself on ALLAH while I was at Makkah. Without realising,I stared at his face and he too was looking at me. I knew he could see the sadness shown on my face. He frowned looking at me. I got up and took my leave to my room. Liza took hold off my arm,"Sue..I'm sorry..please don't go. Where are you going?" she asked panicking. "I want to go to my room to rest,don't worry,I am fine" I said and walked away.
I am not angry with Liza for being direct with me. I am angry with myself..What are the purpose of me coming here? To flirt with a Mutawiff or to devote myself to ALLAH?..I could not help myself but feeling guilty. I went into my room and cried wholeheartedly.....
to be continued...
Tears starts rolling down slowly on my cheek after my prayers. At that moment I felt so sad knowing that I will be leaving Makkah tomorrow and I felt disheartened to leave this Holy Land. I turn on my right,saw Liza and Syikin were reciting Al Quran quietly. I could see from their face expression that they too are sad of leaving Makkah. It was already 4.30am,thousand of pilgrim walking around,'tawaf',sleeping and reciting Al-Quran while waiting for azan Subuh to be heard. I looked up and mesmorise it in my mind every detail and feelings being infront of Kaabah. Yes,until today, I have not forgotten and I do not care how many times I mentioned in my blog,I will never ever forget the atmosphere and the aura of Kaabah.
I am here..the woman who has done a lot of sins,I am here at Holy Land. I am grateful,yes..really thankful and lucky..Masha ALLAH. I am lucky..that ALLAH still loves me,the most undevoted and ungrateful servant yet HE still grant me the greatest life experience ever. I could not help it but to feel the tightness at my chest. I feel suffocated and short of breath. Calming myself down,I start to recite Surah Yassin and tears starts to fall profusely along my cheeks and jaw. Suddenly I felt a warm fingers locking around my fingers,I turned and saw Liza,without even looking at me,she took hold of my hand silently to calm me down as though she too could feel what I am feeling at that moment. Together we both recite Surah Yassin together. I cried along the whole duration of reciting Surah Yassin.
Three of us sat silently in front of Kaabah waiting patiently to perform Subuh prayers. We witnessed ourselves that even Arabians argued with each other as to fight for sitting place to pray. They are so aggresive,rude and of course very stubborn. No wonder all the prophets were born in Arab land.They simply very strong headed people. Suddenly,I felt Syikin poked me at the ribs pointing at me the direction that she was looking. I looked up and saw Faiz and Ustaz Apandi were leading few mens and women to perform Solat Sunat behind the Makam Nabi Ibrahim.
Honestly,whenever I looked at Faiz, I felt very contented and feel as though all my problems has gone. I watched them in silent and out of blue,after few hours of silence,at last Liza voiced out "Do you believe in fate?" she asked. I frowned at her questions and asked "Hmm..sometimes I do believe in fate..depends I guess. Why the sudden question?" "Because I do not want you to feel hurt that's all" Liza makes the comment nonchalantly and before I could asked further,azan was heard.We got up and 3 of us perform the prayers and hurriedly went back to the hotel as there will be final visit around Makkah today. I did not manage to asked Liza any further until we reached the hotel lobby.
"Za,why do you make that comment? What do you mean that you don't want me to get hurt?" I asked with a confused expression on my face. There were only Liza and myself at the lobby,Syikin excuse herself to go to her room to look for Norizah who supposedly having some split personality from the day one arriving at Holy Land. Liza took a deep breath before answering. "Sue,I know that we just got to know each other for only 2 weeks but I felt like as though we have known each other for years. From what I see, you are the kind of person whom can accept whatever people comment about you right? Because I am a very direct person. Ok,let me get straight to the point. Look,I know it is possible for you to be together with Faiz because our own Nabi Muhammad and Khadijah were married even though there was a age gap but....do you think you can live in his kind of life,Sue? You live in modern life,you are career minded woman,you are credit card woman but look at him? Can you actually imagine yourself watching movies with him?" she said without a paused.
Too shocked with her directness, I went silent. "Sue..I am sorry if I said the wrong thing and I know I shouldn't be so blunt but..aih..I don't know,I just don't want you to feel hurt hoping for something that you know it will never exists" she said squeezing my hand. I nodded my head and too dumbfounded to say anything.
"Thank you,Za..I know what you meant and I am glad that you being direct with me. At least I could oversee the whole picture. Don't worry, I am not hurt at all" I said squeezing her hand too and gave her a warm smile. "Whatever it is,the decision is still yours and it is not up to me or anybody to decide. Maybe he is the one for you,maybe ALLAH did send him to you, or maybe...hmm..just take it as a summer love crush will ya?" she said and I know from her tone of voice,she is hoping that I will not get hurt with her statement. I nodded and the conversation ended as soon as Faiz and his friend entered the hotel lobby.
When I saw him, I felt I wanted to cry. I felt as though this is part of satan game to lead me astray so that I won't concetrate myself on ALLAH while I was at Makkah. Without realising,I stared at his face and he too was looking at me. I knew he could see the sadness shown on my face. He frowned looking at me. I got up and took my leave to my room. Liza took hold off my arm,"Sue..I'm sorry..please don't go. Where are you going?" she asked panicking. "I want to go to my room to rest,don't worry,I am fine" I said and walked away.
I am not angry with Liza for being direct with me. I am angry with myself..What are the purpose of me coming here? To flirt with a Mutawiff or to devote myself to ALLAH?..I could not help myself but feeling guilty. I went into my room and cried wholeheartedly.....
to be continued...
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