Overstressed or overexert?

Lately depression mode button is ON throughout the whole week. I have no mood to do anything. No mood to meet up with people. No mood to even read a book which was of course my favourite pastime. I rather lie down on a bed and listening to my MP3 with depressing songs stuck into my ear.
Yesterday was hell for me. I had diarhoea and my blood pressure shoot up to 180..got a shock of my life. My family doctor says.."adik,you are overexerting yourself. What exactly are you thinking?' Seriously..what the heck was I thinking? Am I thinking too much or the work is overloaded? Well...I guess I'm frustrated due to I can't focus which work am i supposed to be concetrate on. Hmm..and another thing..I think I am frustrated about people that I used to care for. Someone that I misses so much and we have not been talking with each other about 3 months now due to some silly misunderstanding. And of course I miss another person who is so far away from me whom also refuse to talk to me which I have no idea why..hmm...

Few days ago, my second niece were having problems with her mom. Huge row with each other and she went into depression thinking that ALLAH refuse to grant her wish. I knew I was not in the good place to help her but yet I gave her the support that she needed. I told her, this is just part of ALLAH test to you to see how are you gonna cope with your everyday life. Don't ever give up and don't ever question of why ALLAH gave you this test. Alhamdulilah,she took my advice and gain the strength to fight what she believes.

Today, I came to work with a motivation says that I will just do whatever I can but if people do not wish to appreciate my effort then there is nothing can be done. So I will strived to be the best...yeah right...whatever it is,everything that I own right now is in GOD's hand. If it's meant to be then it will meant to be...HE will decide if I am to be stuck here at my workplace or to be designated somewhere else.

So is it overstressed or overexert? I guess...I am just mentally tired...

-END-

How time passes...part 6

"KAK NORAINI IS WEARING RED TUDUNG AND LIZA WAS STANDING BESIDE ME"
"Salaam,why aren't you doing your tawaf wida'?" I jerked from my seat slightly when I heard a voice above my head. I turned and saw Kak Noraini smiling looking at me. I smiled and answered "Well,sad or not sad..I just had my period last night at 2am" I said grinning at her broadly. "Huh? Really?Luckily,you manage to finished your Umrah. Did you take any pills before coming here?" she asked while sitting down across me at the table. "Nope..and u'uh..very the lucky..heheh" I answered. "I guess Allah wants you to come back again. HE doesn't want you to say goodbye forever..or I think there is someone here wants you to come back again" Kak Noraini said winking at me.I frowned and shrugged my shoulders pretending not to understand what she has just said. She laughed seeing the expression on my face. "I hope you are not putting so much hope" she said while sipping her hot coffee. I sighed and looked at her.
"Is it too obvious kak?" I asked. Kak Noraini nodded her head and grinned widely at
me. I gave a loud sighed and slump my shoulder starring at my coffee. Realising that I went silent, Kak Noraini took hold of my hand and asked "Sue,sorry..did I offend you in some way?" I shooked my head vigorously. I was trying to hold back the tears from falling.
"Sue...what's wrong? I didn't mean to hurt you at all" she said panicking when looking at my change of expression. "No kak, you have not hurt me at all. It's just that I suddenly realised that the reason I came here to devote myself to ALLAH S.W.T but yet I failed to do so. End up I was flirting with our own Mutawiff and the worst of all, he is way too young for me...for goodness sake,we are 10 years apart" I could feel my hand were shaking. Kak Noraini sighed and she was gripping my hand tightly when she noticed that I was shaking. "Sue...I think you have misunderstood what I've just said. When I said don't put too much hope,I didn't mean that you were the one who is chasing or flirting with him. It was him who was chasing after you. Abg Azmi and I knew that he is interested in you ever since we reached Madinah. We have eyes and we can see.So what he is younger. It is not wrong for you to have relationship with him,just it will be a long distant relationship, that is why I said don't put too much hope. Things can happened anytime. Maybe you will end up with him, maybe you don't. Just pray to ALLAH what is best for you. Don't think too much ok." she said trying to calmed me down. "But why him kak? and you know what,I don't even know whether does he really into me or not" I said. Kak Noraini tapping my hand gently and smiled. "My dear one, he is into you but maybe he is too confused of his own feelings. He does not know how to react" she said smiling widely looking at me. "Enough dear, just accept whatever along the way. What you have to do now is pray to ALLAH and seek for HIS forgiveness. Ask HIM to show you to move to right path ok? U know..time is running out,let's get ready. Have your luggages been taken by them?" she asked getting up from her chair. "Yup,ok..I'll see you downstairs at the lobby then". She nodded her head and move towards the lift to go to her room.

I sat down silently alone at the cafeteria waiting for my family to come back from Masjidil Haram. They went to say goodbye and sadly I was not allowed to do so. I was only able to say goodbye at the entrance of Masjidil Haram. Tears start strolling down slowly at my cheek. When do I ever get the chance to come here again? Will Allah gave me another chance to perform Haj and Umrah again?Insya ALLAH..HE will grant me my wish,I told myself. Drifting away from my own thoughts, I did not realised that a familiar voice was calling my name. I turned to that direction and saw Faiz with his friend calling me.

"Salaam kak, why are you here alone? Have you done your tawaf wida?" Faiz with a curious expression shown on his face. Too embarassed to answer this particular question, I was trying to find suitable sentences to relate my explaination of why I did not join my family to do Tawaf Wida.
"Wasalam..Err...well..because ALLAH wants me to come back again so I sort of the chosen one not able to say goodbye yet?" I said grinning away. Amused with my expression and answers, Faiz could not help it but to laughed. "Oh ok...I think I understand. So, have you packed everything? Can't wait to go back to KL huh?" he asked with a slow tone of voice.

"Honestly,I don't wish to go back.." I answered solemnly. "If you don't wish to go back then Insya ALLAH you definitely gonna come back. I guess there is something yo are reluctant to leave behind?" he said. I looked up and saw him staring without shame. Before I could reply to his statement, his friend tapped on his shoulder signalling that they have to go somewhere to prepare the pilgrims documentation. He nodded his head and turned to me. "Insya ALLAH,I will see you later in the bus?" he asked waiting for me to reply. "Insya ALLAH," I answered and nodded my head.

I watched him leaving the cafeteria with Kak Noraini's voice ringing in my head. "It is not wrong to be with him but don't put too much hope". Smiling to myself, I shook off the voice from my mind and continue reading my book.

"I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE THIS OPPORTUNITY TO RECITE AL FATIHAH TO ABG AZMI HUSBAND TO KAK NORAINI WHO HAS LEFT ALL OF US 3 MONTHS AGO TO MEET ALLAH S.W.T. ABG AZMI HAS BEEN THE GREATEST GOD BROTHER THAT I MET DURING PERFORMING UMRAH ESPECIALLY WHEN I WAS HIKING THE JABAL NUR. LIKE WHAT KAK NORAINI SAYS...SUE IS ABG AZMI BABY SISTER,WILLING TO WAIT FOR HER WHILE CLIMBING TO GUA HIRA. I MISS YOU ABG AZMI,WITH YOUR LAUGHTER AND JOKES EVEN THOUGH WE KNOWN EACH OTHER ONLY FOR FEW MONTHS. AS FOR YOU KAK NORAINI,I KNOW YOU CAN BE STRONG FOR YOUR CHILDREN AND I WILL NOT FORGET YOU, THE LADY WHO ALWAYS WEAR BEAUTIFUL BLACK JUBAH"

Every person has a story to tell and my story does not end here. It continues even after I came back from Umrah till today.
My relationships with Faiz continues became closer from the day I climb into the bus, to Jeddah airport and back to Malaysia....so the story continues with lot more to come....

TO BE CONTINUED....