I have always wanted to write. There is a say, to write well, you must write what you know. After so much of deliberation and hesitation, I know one particular story which I myself familiar with. I have decided to write my own true actual event tales.
The story that I am about to tell you was not something that I am very proud of and to get into the memory lane, it was not a very easy task for me. However, my story need to be revealed.
My name is Ayesha and I am the youngest in the family. I have 2 elder sister and a brother whom of course we shared love and hatred relationship. Ever since I was small, I have always been alone. I guess because the age gap between me and my siblings are quite far apart which makes me the lone ranger.
When I was 6 years old, my eldest sister went to London to further her studies and she only came back when I was 12 years old and got married soon after that. My 2nd sister and brother left for college when I was still at primary school. So, being lonely and alone was always in my vocabulary.
Growing up with no sister and brother with me most of the time,I am closer to my parents but although there is a closeness with them, I am more to silent mode. To my parents, I am always their sweet little girl and very obedient. Guess they always think, 'adik" will never attempt to do anything ridicillious or create a havoc. I think I have proven them wrong. I have always represented myself to be goody two shoes till 10 years ago when everything begins. The beginning of a nightmare which till today I could never erased it from my memory.
10 years ago, I met somebody. Never to realised that this 'somebody' will inflict injuries which the wound is too deep for me to be healed. I have gotten myself involved in a forbidden love. The love that has been condemned by God himself and as far I am concerned, I have been punished till to this day. I guess you must wondering, what kind of love I get myself into. Was it to orthodox Christian man or did I convert myself to another religion beside Muslim. No, nothing of that sort. I was in love with another women. Yes, I was in a relationship with a women. It takes me one heck of courage to admit that I was a lesbian. It took me 9 years to confess to a therapist what was I before.
Jann was introduced to me by a friend at a party. At that time, I was with a guy, I guess I can call him my boyfriend although until today i could not be sure whether it was love or the idea of him being my boyfriend is just one of the reason I want him to be around. When I started going out with Jann, my relationship with my boyfriend is already at the brick of breaking up. Ignoring my friends advises, I keep going out with Jann until one night my friend, Sonia came up and told me that I was playing with fire if I carry on this whatever I call it.
" What are you talking about? I am just having fun with Jann. Besides, Daniel iritates me like hell. He always late whenever we going for a movie, I have to wait for him at least 3 hours just to have lunch with him." I snapped at Sonia for bringing the matter up.
" Jann is definitely in love with you. Don't you actually realise that? The way she look at you, the way she gets up whenever you came to the table. Oh for heaven sake, don't tell me you didn't see that?" says Sonia angryly.
I glared at Sonia and refused to admit that what she says was true. "This is ridicilious Sonia, she is a women and i heard she is already in a relationship with I think a school girl..hmm..forgot her name tho'..." I sighed.
"Look Ayesha, Jann was my schoolmate and i know what she is. I just need you to be careful. She is too good looking even as a girl. Like we always says, if she become a guy, she will look handsome and if she became a girl, she will look damn beautiful. Most of the girls in my school head over heels over her so please be extra careful. Please do not get yourself into trouble because of her!".. I just shrugged and looked away. I still remember that particular conversation till today.
Honestly, when Sonia warned me about Jann at that time, it had never crossed my mind that I will get myself involved in a lesbian relationship. Going out with Jann was different, she treats you like how a lady should be treated and I did not get that from my boyfriend. At first,falling in love was never on my list with Jann, I guess at that time I thought it was more to infactuation than love. But my thought was wrong. Recently, a friend told me this "devils" plays their role very well as a Satan, they will do anything just to lead you astray and if they can't get to you directly, they will get to you indirectly. In this case,I guess the devils had hit the jackpot once i start to develop unusual feelings towards Jann.
Day after day, month after month, I grew to love her more. Everyday I will wait anxiously for her to pick me up to go to work. Lunch together, goes to movies together, in fact we do everything together. Not a single day,we will be separated. I was blinded with her endlessly affection towards me that I never to realised that I have still my family to think about. At that time everything was Jann. As though my life will be useless in this world without her existing in it.
To be continued....
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