"Every self will taste death. we test you with both good and evil as a trial. And you will be returned to Us." (Surat Al-Anbiya':35)
Satan whispers into my ear telling me to leave....I left home without turning back. Not even a single compassion in me for my parents. I just don't look back. I actually left home for Jann. I could not imagine how devastating my parents were after finding out that I left without a word. They searched for me everywhere but to no avail, they could not find me. I disappeared and vanished from my family. Never I thought that my dear mother prayed every night hoping I will be at their doorstep again. No sign of me, no calls, no news...I pratically disappeared from the centre of the earth.
Till today, I could not figure out of why I actually willing to leave my family for Jann. What has overcome me at that time. For 2 years I vanished from my family but not a single day I have forgotten about them. I do miss them dearly but then at that time I felt Jann was more important to me than anyone elses. All those time when I left, I pratically homeless. No place to stay and no friends wants to help, not even a job to support myself. I slept in my car, took a shower at a public toilet until one fine day I could not take the pressure any longer. I decided to go home. I guess my mother prayers have been answered. I realised at that time, this is what i call as retribution for going against your parents. What have they done to me that i treated them this way. After making decision to go back, an arguement occured between me and Jann.
"What???Are you crazy? Do you actually think they gonna accept you back?" says Jann angrily. "They will accept me back. They are my family and I'm their youngest daughter and sister, I know my family. They will not abandon me" i shouted back.
" What about us? If you go home...what about us? We took the risk and gone through a lot to be together, are you just gonna let it go?" Jann stared at me desperately trying to make me change my mind.
"Jann, I could not live in this kind of situation anymore. Never we do is right..everything has gone wrong ever since I left home. I lost my job and so do you. How are we gonna support ourselves? You at least has your parents to help you. What about me? I could not stay at your parents house and all my friends hated you so I have no one else to turn too. Please let me go home" said I with tears falling profusely at my cheek.
Jann sighed and stared at me. After a long discussion, she agreed to let me go back to my family. Suddenly, I felt lighthearted knowing that I will be going home. My heart never felt that eased before ever since I left my house 2 years ago. I promised Jann that I will never leave her. I will continue the relationship that we are having despite my family objections. I was too naive that it was stupid and wrong to continue this kind of relationship but yet I love Jann too much to let her go. There is a say, love is blind..for me is the other way around. Love is not blind, people is the one who are blinded by love and could not see the rational of it.
I still remember the day I went home. My parents cried and hugged me as though I just came back from a holiday or came back for a semester break. Not a single question been asked to me. They just glad that I am back home safely. For once in my life, I was glad that I make the right to decision to go back home.
One mistake after another mistake been done, parents will never abandon you. It took me this long to realised the sacfrice that my parents has done for me to make me happy. They accepted Jann in my life. I was shocked the effort that my family willing to do for me as to make me happy. I was happy, everyone is happy. But I still feel insecure. Something amiss as though something is not right. I could not figure out at that moment. I looked up and asked God, what exactly are you playing at? Why are you giving me this leisure so much where as it is forbidden? But never once I wanted to search the real implication behind all this pleasure that has given by HIM. I was too occupied to be happy and lighthearted thinking that everything was.....ok.
With God willing and family support, I stand on my feet again. I've gotten myself a job at one of the biggest bookstores, Jann worked at a coffee cafe.I met new friends whom till today we still keep in touch. Aida, a friend of mine whom I met at work, apparently we became very close and she has been the most helpful and understanding friend that I ever had. We basicly accepted
each other flaws and she was and has been till now always there for me when I needed her and
vice versa. I still remember I was so happy for that few years but yet, it doesn't last. The happiness that I thought will be forever, doesn't last that long after all.
tinued....
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